The cranky pot whiny monster

Beat the traffic, rein in the road rage, and finally get to my parent’s house to pick up my son.

Time check. If I leave here in 10 mins I’ll be home by 7.30pm then 30 minutes for dinner 15 minutes for bath 15 minutes story time and he’ll be asleep by 8.30 that makes it 10 hours of sleep before he wakes up at 6.30am and can catch the bus for school without being cranky all morning still not enough sleep for his age but can’t help that now that’s what it’s like having a working mom he better learn to deal with it…

“Hi Dad….DHRUVVV, come on get your shoes, let’s go!”

“NO.”

Deep breaths.

Dad’s voice floating in from behind the kitchen counter “You want a sandwich?”

“No thanks Dad. I got to rush. Come on sweetie. We have to go now. Dad, has he eaten? When did he eat last? You know he gets so cranky if he doesn’t eat……PUT ON YOUR SHOES DHRUV! ”

Whining and shoe finding drama in the background. Probably hungry.

“Really, Dad, I mean why can’t he just eat and be in a good mood. He won’t eat, then he gets cranky and doesn’t want to eat, but all the time he’s hungry and I’m trying to force him to eat so he’ll be in a better mood. Kids are just so illogical!”

A sandwich has appeared on the kitchen counter. I wolf it down. It has been 6 hours since lunch.

“I mean, seriously is it so hard to know that when you’re hungry? I mean I try to teach him this all the time – if you’re hungry, eat, and don’t be a cranky pot whiny monster.”

More whining and shoe finding drama in the background. Finally got all his stuff found his shoes checked his bag everything’s there its been more than 10 minutes now recalibrating he will sleep only by 9 now ruining everything sigh better prepare for a cranky morning.

“OK, bye Dad. Got to go and stuff the monster, he’s hungry and will be super whiny all the way home. Thanks for the sandwich!”

Apparently kids never do learn how to eat when they’re hungry and not be cranky pot whiny monsters.

 

Day 6 – Observations on inclusiveness

I had two experiences over a trip to Delhi, coincidently both around inclusiveness.

Over coffee at the airport, my colleague narrated an incident where he had invited a group of HIV-affected* children to perform while planning a company-wide employee family event. He later decided not to have them at the event, due to much discussion over the ‘risk’ this would expose employees and their families to. Instead, he later organized a visit to their institution with a few interested employees.

We stayed at Lemon Tree hotel in Delhi. At breakfast the next morning, I heard a loud shuffling as a waiter walked past me. I looked up to this scene. A very pleasant and patient waiter, was transferring a tray of plates to the shuffling waiter, whom I recognized as being affected by Down’s syndrome. The waiter with Down’s syndrome tried to pick up the stack of plates, but was not able to. He then held his hands out, and his colleague lifted the stack of plates and put them into his arms, and he took them into the kitchen.**

How organizations, or people in every situations handle inclusiveness is purely based on attitude. In the first instance, it is an attitude of self-protection, closed and ‘safe’ in the way things are. In the second, it is an attitude of openness, where interpersonal skills and social learning define the way things are.

Many organizations mention activities where they visit NGOs and other institutions in inclusiveness reports. This is not inclusiveness, when you leave your safe space to play with ‘them’ in a limited-risk and time-bound experience. Inclusiveness is when you open your environment to people with special abilities, or from differing backgrounds, and importantly, change the environment for them to make it better for everyone.

 

*HIV-affected – this term doesn’t always mean HIV-infected; it also covers those who are related to someone who is infected, and the stigma carries on into their lives. HIV does not transfer over casual contact, shaking hands or hugging.  

**Note on Down’s syndrome – Lemon Tree hotels refers to people with Down’s syndrome as ‘happy people’ because of their unshakeable cheerfulness. Weak muscle tone and loose ligaments are often a problem for them, so picking up the tray was difficult for the waiter. His colleague understood this and put the tray into his hands. Physical motor coordination also works differently, hence the shuffling gait. The restaurant manager I spoke to says 15% of their employees are differently-abled, and all their employees know sign language.

What would happen if you told your boss you couldn’t travel because it was your kid’s birthday?

Well if you are a man, you wouldn’t because this would seem frivolous. If you are a woman you wouldn’t, because it would make you seem like you obviously preferred to stay home and care for kids rather than work.

Either way, your child loses out. Growing up, I was always made to feel special on my birthday. My dad, who was away at sea, would send me the prettiest card full of glitter. My mom, who ran her own pre-school and managed four kids, would still find time to stitch me a new frock, and my siblings were tasked with decorating my place at the dining table for breakfast.

Making children feel special takes time, planning and yes, also needs to be recognized by your boss as something worth pushing back for. And I think needs to be done by moms and dads, because nothing makes a kid happier than when his parents connive to make him feel special.

This is a choice that managers can make, one that is guaranteed to foster immense loyalty by the very simple decision on how they react to such an honest reason for not traveling. In one story narrated to a child at home, a boss is someone who keeps his parents away on their birthday. In the second version, a boss is someone spoken of with affection and gratitude.

Which manager are you?

100days200words: day 5 - Passage of time

Walk the dog, wash the clothes
Kids off to school
Traffic, meetings, telecons
Kids to bed, dinner
Fall asleep watching TV

Walk the dog, fold the clothes
Kids off to school
Traffic, meetings, arguments, plans
Kids to bed, conversation
Fall asleep watching TV

Bills, payments, account transfers
monthly grocery
Vegetables, vegetables, vegetables, vegetables
EMI, LIC, SIP
Movie?

Bills, payments, account transfers
monthly grocery
Vegetables, vegetables, vegetables, vegetables
EMI, ULIP, car servicing
EMI, term insurance, school fees
10k marathon run?
Dinner with friends?

Birthdays, mall visits, Coffee day
Friends over, playdate, Coffee day
Date night, drunken evening, late Saturday morning
Road trip, swimming fun, ladies’ night
New clothes, shopping, play gym, Coffee day
Grandmom visits, hospital visits,  parent’s visits, spring cleaning

Christmas.
New Year.
Restart. Redo?

Passage of time

Walk the dog, wash the clothes
Kids off to school
Traffic, meetings, telecons
Kids to bed, dinner
Fall asleep watching TV

Walk the dog, fold the clothes
Kids off to school
Traffic, meetings, arguments, plans
Kids to bed, conversation
Fall asleep watching TV

Bills, payments, account transfers
monthly grocery
Vegetables, vegetables, vegetables, vegetables
EMI, LIC, SIP
Movie?

Bills, payments, account transfers
monthly grocery
Vegetables, vegetables, vegetables, vegetables
EMI, ULIP, car servicing
EMI, term insurance, school fees
10k marathon run?
Dinner with friends?

Birthdays, mall visits, Coffee day
Friends over, playdate, Coffee day
Date night, drunken evening, late Saturday morning
Road trip, swimming fun, ladies’ night
New clothes, shopping, play gym, Coffee day
Grandmom visits, hospital visits,  parent’s visits, spring cleaning

Christmas.
New Year.
Restart. Redo?

#100days200words: Day 3 - Why it’s important to mindfully address stereotypes

When I strolled out in blue Spiderman pyjamas, my young nephew was flummoxed.

That’s a boy’s pant! You can’t wear it!

But I like Spiderman.

If there was a Spidergirl, you can wear it. You’re a girl.

Hm.. is it ok if girls watch Spiderman on TV?

Yes. TV’s fine. But that’s a boy’s pant. Spiderman is a boy.

Hm. So what if I like you? Can I have a photo of you on my T shirt?

Yes.

So then, why not Spiderman on my pyjamas?

There’s girl’s clothes and boy’s clothes – Spiderman is for boys.

What about flowers? Is that a boy or a girl thing?

Girls.

Those shorts belong to your uncle. ( husband’s flowery Goa shorts)

Thoughtful.

Anyone can wear anything they like, sweetie. (Not convinced, but thinking about it)

I often wonder if I’m being radical by addressing a stereotype whenever I come across it. Thinking about it though, the societal order is so strong, it’s a given that gender-based role enforcement will happen. In this case, there’s no bias in his home, but obviously there are many possible influences in a child’s life. My conclusion is that it’s important to address a stereotype when you recognize it, because if an alternative is not presented, it can never exist. Choices are needed to make good decisions, such as buying the right phone. Choices must also be needed to decide what principles you want to buy into.  

The fulfilling nature of procrastination

Contrary to popular belief, procrastination is productive. With the immense pressure building up from the THING you’re avoiding doing, you suddenly get done so many things you really wanted to do. The things that actually matter to you, that you’d been putting off to do the things that you had to do. The shelf you meant to clear and organize for two years. The quality time you spent making a super mess with your kid on an art project. The phone call to a really old friend you always meant to catch up with. The dinner you wanted to plan with friends. Suddenly you’re convinced that these are more important, and you have time to do the THING later. Then at the last minute, you get the THING you HAD to do done and screech in with a hat under the falling door, Indiana Jones style. Funny thing is, much of the time, the lack of effort on the THING goes unnoticed.

It’s ironical that in the day to day prioritization of activities, we bump up the to-do list the things which really aren’t important, which we’d rather not do at all. And that there actually is time for it all, but you spend unnecessary time stressing about how to do the THING that you got done at last minute. Procrastination is so fulfilling and so spiritual!    

100 Days, 200 Words

All successful writers attribute their success to one thing – that they write. Not what, when, or how they write, but simply that they write. For a few years now I’ve had an existential crises, and it seems like a vague voice tells me that my purpose is to write. Okay, I may be reaching here. Perhaps my work isn’t quite validating my life, and I’m stuck in an everyday routine that looks like it won’t change for the next 15 years, so I’m looking to escape. Discussing my bleak outlook one day, at midnight, battling sleep for quality time, when my mind has relaxed over a mojito (or maybe two), the epiphany came from an unlikely source – my husband. Unlikely because he is the motorbike-fixing, Handy Manny sort, and runs the other way from anything ‘arty’. Whereas I’ve written for companies for ten years, and have the process of crafting content perfected to a science. From what he’s heard, he pointed out, it’s only about sitting down and writing 200 words a day. Perhaps it was the mojito, but I couldn’t argue. (and I can always argue).

So I pose myself a 100-day, 200-word challenge. Where will this delicious adventure lead, and what will I discover?