Moms, move over. Dads, lean in.

I had another conversation on this, my pet peeve, this time with a good friend from my past. He asked me how I ‘manage’ when I travel. And also was very impressed that my husband could ‘manage’ our son in my absence. Although I’ve had this conversation many many, MANY times, I was a bit surprised because I thought we had similar upbringing, and didn’t expect this conversation from him.
It made me think. 

I’ve also had conversations with close friends who are dads-to-be, whose idea of fatherhood is EXACTLY the same as my idea of motherhood. Means they want the whole experience. The sleepless nights, hours of unexplainable crankiness, cutting back on work, tracking their child’s littlest physical need and emotional mood. This conversation ends in them sighing regretfully, because they usually defer to their wives’ idea of parenting, which is that she knows best and makes the rules of parenting, thus dictating the role of the father.

There’s a clearing in the middle which represents perfect equal parenting, and a long walk from both sides to revel in this idyllic pasture.

Moms, get off your pedestal. Facilitate equal rights to parenting.
You know as much as you were taught or exposed to which may be more than your husband, because of the way girls are shaped from childhood. This does not make you a better parent than your husband. For you, equal parenting means being clear from the start that you don’t know it all. Because you don’t. Every mom will tell you that despite all the ‘training’ she got on this prior to having a baby, it’s a different and unique journey. A journey that is enriching because you figure it out as you go along and this emotional and mental engagement in your child is what makes it fulfilling. Taking dad along on this journey means stepping back and letting some things go so that dad can step in. Expect more from dad and give him room to experiment. And if you’re the sort who likes the control you get from maintaining that the realm of parenting can only be done by you, then get over it – that’s unfair and a bit unrealistic.  

Dads, lean in. Claim equal rights to parenting.
You know as much as you were taught or exposed to, which depends completely on your childhood environment. This does not make you better or less knowledgeable than your wife. And if you didn’t get the exposure, there’s a wealth of experience to draw from; people have had kids since forever. There’s forums online, reams of written material, older and wiser family members, and of course, your wife to discuss and learn with. Parenting is a unique journey for each person, that is enriching because you figure it out as you go along and this emotional and mental engagement in your child is what makes it fulfilling. And if you’re the sort who finds it convenient that your wife ‘manages’ the house and kids, then get over it – that’s unfair and a bit cowardly.

And to everyone else, recognize the stereotype - they creep up in everyday conversations - and call your own thinking on it, and then invite others to challenge these notions as well.